A Family’s Mission to Get Well
The McHughs’ Story
Leith’s Story
When we talk about our family’s journey, a good place to start is with our daughter Hadley. Hadley was born in 1998 without part of her brain—and what followed was unimaginable, unbearable pain for all of us. Hadley’s birth changed my 3-year-old son’s life dramatically. Suddenly, our whole family found ourselves juggling hospital stays with appointments. Neurology, physical therapy, occupational speech—you name it, we were there. Hadley’s arrival was both a gift and a traumatic event for our entire family.
Fast forward almost 10 years to Holden’s freshman year of high school when he came out to me and my husband. At the time, we were pretty conservative in our faith jour- ney. Unprepared and scared, I hate how we initially responded. Thankfully, Holden had (and continues to have) a lot of grace and forgiveness for us. Three months later, in January of 2011, Hadley died unexpectedly from pneumonia. It was shocking because Hadley had always come home from the hospital. Always.
About two years after Hadley’s death, things came to a head. We were all still deep in grief. Unbeknownst to Aaron, my husband, and me, Holden was addicted to drugs and alcohol, our marriage was in desperation, and I was digging into the pain and trauma of my own story. Honestly, I just felt like I couldn’t keep going.
I used to think that if you were depressed, you could just open the blinds and get some sun on your face, and you’d feel better. I didn’t realize that when you’re depressed, you can’t reach for the blinds.
I knew I needed help. I had heard about Onsite a few years before at a conference and thought I’d never be able to afford to attend something like that. Now, when people talk to me about their own journeys, I often ask, “Can you afford not to?”
I decided to attend Milestones, and I im- mediately felt loved and nurtured as I processed through all the little things I had experienced. The trauma therapy was incredibly helpful, and the therapists were phenomenal, but it was coupled with heal- ing hospitality that nurtured me just in the way I needed it.
I keep returning to Onsite—I’ve done almost every program they offer—simply because it is my safest place. When someone says picture your safe place, I always think of Onsite and Milestones.
Before Milestones, I was desperate to get well but had no idea how. My life came to a point where I learned what it really meant to put on my own oxygen mask first. I had nothing in my tank, but after Milestones, I began to create space for that—even if it was at the expense of other things.
Everything changed in our family during that season. It became our family mission to get well at all costs—from how we spent our time and money to how we related with one another and even how we approached friendships. Not everyone in our life understood, but it was a priority we pursued together.
Three of our four family members have now done work at Onsite, and our daughter Avery has benefited by proxy. We now have tools and language to understand each oth- er better. We’re all committed to our own individual wellness journey.
The amount of healing our family has received through our experiences is worth billions and billions of dollars. Every single day I can see the benefit. I often wonder where our family would be today if we had not made this investment in ourselves.
Holden’s Story
I left for college shortly after my mom returned from Milestones, and I did great for two months—then, I tanked ten times worse than before. By the end of the semester, I was in a bad place.
My parents said they would not provide a way for me to go back to college but would provide a way for me to go to Milestones. They felt like it was the right fit for me based on my mom’s experience I’d been to treatment before, and I honestly didn’t have any hope that Milestones would help.
But Milestones was unlike any other experience I had had previously. Every person I encountered there met me right where I was and helped me voice and validate a lot of feelings that I hadn’t had a chance to process.
The biggest thing I feel I walked away from Milestones with is how restful and safe I felt. There was a lot going on in my life— honestly, there had been a lot going on my entire life. So a huge part of my experience was just having the space to rest, eat three square meals a day, and discover my ability to build relationships with people. I couldn’t have done the work I needed to without first finding that safety.
Since Milestones, our family relates differently—especially my mom and me. The biggest benefit we walked away with is the tools to reshape our relationship. Now my mom gets to be my mom, and I get to be her son—and then, as a bonus, we also get to have a friendship, which is wonderful. My parents stopped being my bankers, which also means they got to stop being my loan sharks. They didn’t have to be my sponsor or my sober coaches. We got to refine all the stuff that was in our relationship that shouldn’t be there and set up systems to separate the enmeshment. As a result, years down the road, we can just exist in healthy relationships with one another.
I didn’t notice at the time, but I see now that anytime I’ve tried to heal or better my- self in any capacity, the universe meets me with huge help. Any radical risk toward self-betterment has given me a radical reward.
